|Today 17 December 2017|
Welcome Hashers to my first Newsletter for the Saigon H3 but certainly not my first running club newsletter.
I will start by reiterating for those who were not attending the hash last week that happy to be referred to as Linda Lovelace. (I may answer to the name of Georgina Spelvin though? But that’s another story ☺)
May I thank Shithouse and the outgoing committee for all their hard work and endeavours over the last twelve months, and welcome all the newcomers to the mis-management committee, I’ve been impressed by all the offers of help I’ve received over the last 48 hours. We still have several posts to fill. Last Saturdays AGPU was well organised again a big thank you to Shithouse for his hard work. We all enjoyed the awarding of certificates, I think we must also pay homage to Paddy Fag for being Hasher of the Year, yes I know despite all the shortcutting! He has kindly offered his services as Hash Whip which I have accepted for the forthcoming year.
Despite the copious amount of alcohol consumed most hasher made it to Saki Suckers run on the Sunday. Read more about in it in What happened during the last Hash
The Hash will be heading off to the forests of Binh Chanh on Sunday, see below for details on Next week's Run.
ON ON ICLL.
Run 1395 Hari Kari Run
Date: 02/04/2017 Location: Long Đức.
The hares for this run were Saki Sucker and Sloe Gin, with Pole Polisher and Fuckoffee taking good care if the walkers.
Digger gave the walk report stating that it had been a very unadventurous through rubber and rubbish plantations, the terrain was flat and he was subjected to a woeful tale of the sexual exploits of a kilted scotsman and some canoodling from a couple of reprobate hashers. However all this was more than compensated for by the fact that there was a beer stop and the Religious Advisor had timed the cooling shower perfectly for the last 50 m of the walk. He gave a score of 1.5. The Captain gave the run report commenting on the nice short bus ride and the diversity of the run, rubber tree, then rubber tree followed by rubber tree with a rubber tree thrown in for luck. He was unsurprised by the rubbish which is an endemic feature of the vietnamese countryside and found it was good underfoot though a bit slippery when wet thanks to the storm which had also washed away most of the paper. A score of 0 was given making the overall score 0.75.
The Captain was presented with his much sort after award for the Finger in the Rear which he had been unable to collect at the APGU due to that fact that he didn’t turn up.
The Religious Advisor Broken Seal then called in the virgins, they were Tony from Vietnam who came with Tung, Chung from Vietnam who came with Barely Legal and Koki from Japan who came with his wife. The visitors were Digger from Australia, Tea for Two from Penang and
Dirty Mac from Scotland via Bali. Harmonica Lewinski and Trickle Dick had also had the good sense to return to us.
The charges commenced and the running hares were then iced for failing to control the weather which resulted in a distinct lack paper for the hashers to follow. White Boy Satong Shut-up was then severely chastised for his behaviour at the APGU, he was sitting by a georgios young lady surrounded by intellectual conversations courtesy of his inebriated fellow hashers and yet he chose to spend his time playing pac man on his phone. Woofter then congratulated the outgoing mismanagement committee for somehow mismanaging to get the Hash through another year before charging Fucking Everywhere for living down to his name. As all front running bastard know when you get carried away and run out of paper you have to take in on the chin and go back and try again. However FE seems incapable of understanding this simple fact of life and stubbornly carries on his own way in the hopes that one day it will be right.
Next we had a shocking turn of events scientists have proven that Paddy Fags dad belly makes him a sex symbol! As we recovered from this news we heard that Saki Sucker had failed in his duty of care to his suppliers when their factory burnt down during a Jewish stocktake. Then Meatcicle advised us of the destructive behaviour of the rampaging dutchman Dicklace who had been hell bent on taking out all the wooden structures he came across during the Hash today by performing stress testing on them.
The Hash Dobber this week was General Erection. He charged Derek with failing to have a Hash T shirt. Then he described how he had been disturbed on his run by a terrible guttural cacophony which had seemed to follow him through the forest. He had finally realised it was the sound of dutch being spoken and thus charged the Dutch with disturbing the peace. Paddy Fag also charged the ditch with being the dummies of the week as a Dutch teenager off to see the Sydney Opera House somehow ended up in Nova Scotia. This prompted GE to bring back the Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest charge calling in Jack Off, Paddy Fag and Twin Knockers. On the trip to Mui Nei last weekend they all managed to miss the train, Jack Off and Stray Pussy opted for sitting drinking coffee whilst the train pulled away without them whilst Paddy Fag and Twin Knockers went for the tried and tested method of arriving at the station 2 minutes after the train departs. No one could decide who was dumbest so it was declared a tie. Runny Yolk then requested that Shithouse be iced…. just because. Unfortunately she forgot that if one dutch person sits on the ice all the dutch sit on the ice and we were definitely overquota.
Harmonica then regaled us with the exploits of Digger at the Nha Trang Hash. Not content with attaining a stunning red glow on the Saturday run he decided to head off to the shadeless island on Sunday without a hat or sunscreen. He then charged Shithouse with pawning his gear to a Penang hasser whilst in the post of unchargeable GM.
Finally Pole Polisher was charged with desertion, it appears his tour of duty is over and it is time for him to head back stateside. The walkers are going to need to find another champion to guide them for the foreseeable future.
And that’s all for this week, watch this space for more Hash antics next week
Sexy Eyes signing off
Run 1396 Slow Coffee Strikes Again
Hares: Slow Gin, Fuckoffee, Stray Pussy, Jack Off
All we know at this stage is that next Sunday's Hash on 9nd April will be right in the bush again, in the beautiful forests of Binh Chanh, with lots of shade. with these 4 hares it is bound to be a good trail and we might anticipate refreshments on route.
The bus will leave from the Caravelle at 2 pm sharp, so better be there 10-15 minutes early. There will not be a pickup in District 2.
The Pink Panther Run
The Harriettes will be hosting their 3rd anniversary run "the Pink Panther Run" on the 7th April. It starts at 7:00 pm, so hashers should aim to arrive from 6:30 at the Hương Lúa Restaurant in District 4. More details can be found on Facebook. They will be tickled pink when you turn up in pink :)
Hashers & Dashers
I have been approached by the organiser of this year’s Dragon Dash for help, I advised I can help. If you're interested they need Race Officials to monitor competitors at obstacles from 5:30 am - 9am on Saturday the 15th April. Wow early! The perks are free entry to the open division for everyone (100% the same benefits as a paid registers participant), a free Champion Dash Officials T-shirt for the morning duties, a lunch box with water, 1 - complimentary beer from Pasteur at the finish line and one hell of a good time. They will mention the hash over the P.A. and happy for us to display our banner.
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