|Today 17 December 2017|
Good day fellow hashers. A hot and steamy afternoon saw us hash around the bye ways, inlets and rivers of Nhi Binh. Paddy Fag being the deeply religious gent he is made sure the hash started at the appropriate point under the gaze of Mr. Jesus. A hearty thanks from all of us for the delicious birthday cake he and Twin Knockers shared with us. We circled up after the run in a compound next to the river, what a great venue, private and shaded, well-chosen Hares. So shaded in fact it sent Fine Arse off to sleep, well spotted Shit House, he realised she had snuck of for a snooze, tut tut. Lickalotopuss received her first hare set T shirt, it was my pleasure to award Stevie Blunder his certificate as “Hare of the Year”. Well deserved.
A Vietnamese toddler decided to entertain us with a strip tease in the circle, my call of “If one male takes his shorts off in the circle all men take their shorts off in the circle” was not heeded. I recall the look of disappointment on one or two of the girls faces and the look of horror on the others
Good to see Katoyboy back, or has “Vlad” kicked him out! I didn’t realise there is a shortage of razors in Romania. Farewell to Woofter he is heading back to Manchester for the foreseeable future. We will miss his eloquent reports and charges.
There was one minor accident that drew blood, Creamy Tulips offered first aid, Richard The Turd was soon back in the circle imbibing alcohol. (I won’t mention my headlong tumble into a nest of rusty barbed wire and the smirking heard as hashers past unconcerned by, for one moment I know now how Steve McQueen must have felt surrounded by all that rusty barbed stuff. Fortunately, Runny Yolk came to my rescue and disentangled me)
Read more about in it in What happened during the last Hash
Hashers & Dashers update: two of SH3 helped out at last Saturday’s “Dragon Dash” over in Dist. 7 the 4 a.m. meet up was a challenge though. The organiser, a pleasant Canadian guy had never heard of Hashing, he does now. I did recognise one competitor from our merry band.
On a slightly more serious note I’m looking for someone to help keep a note on the amount of beer we consume on the hash, i.e. how many full empty crates of beer go back under the bus as we depart the circle, how many full crates of empties are on the bus when we alight at the end.
I Choked Linda Lovelace (no apologies for any mistakes or omissions)
Run 1397 Paddy Fags' Birthday Run
Date: 16/04/2017 Location: Nhi Binh.
The hares for this run were Paddy Fag and Lickalotopus. Broken Seal took good care of the walkers with occasional support from Katoyboy. Mrs Bean gave the walk report stating that as a virgin walker she considered it to be the best and the worst she had experienced. She was initially distracted by trying to find the non-existent paper but soon became immersed in the most important task on the walk, gossip. She enjoyed discussing the merits of spending time on a Sunday participating in an activity that gets you hot and sweaty and encourages you to moan! She gave a score of -5. General Erection gave the run report commenting on the typically narrow path and the ideal length contributed to a very satisfactory experience. His failing eyesight made detecting the paper camouflaged in the grass problematic and he was pretty sure that the 100 m rule had not been adhered to. A score of 5 was given making the overall score a very generous 0.
The Religious Advisor Broken Seal then called in the virgins. There was a strapping young Vietnamese virgin called Tung who came with Happy Flasher, no wonder she is happy. There was also a virgin from Korea called Irina who came with our visitor Chatroom Pedophile. The penitent returnees were Katoyboy, back from Romania for a sex tour, Happy Flasher who can’t remember what she has been doing, Fine Arse who has been MIA, Fuck Me Not Happy who has been far and away, and Brad who has returned after a prolonged absence.
The charges commenced with the dobbers Woofter and Spandex Man who managed to bring almost all the hash into the circle on charges. Fine Arse was charged with inappropriate attire having paraded up the bus in an outfit fit only for the opera. Stevie Blunder was also charged with being unable to keep his clothes on and especially disturbing as he rarely wears underwear. IT had been a knock out run and several Hashers had the scars to prove it. They were charged with failing to respect the environment. Shithouse gallantly stood in for our GM who had been observed wrestling with barbed wire. Woofter admitted to having taken a tumble himself but he had been outstripped by the quality of the classic hash tumble performed by Richard the Turd. General Erection was then charged for complaining about the way in which Spandex Man was holding his trumpet. Runny Yolk was charged with shortcutting, Mrs Bean with wimping out and White Boy Satong Shut Up with giving false hope by pointing out the bus before the final loop. The last hasher dobbed in was Barely Legal for competitive running. He blatantly pushed Woofter out of the way in what he described as a last push to the bus!
Then there were a series of extreme charges. The British were charged with inventing Extreme Backpacking which involves sitting on a street corner with your backpack on in various tourist destinations begging for money and food from the locals. The Japanese have taken robot love to the next level and are now marrying their Sexbots. The Americans have definitely solved the perennial problem of overbooking as demonstrated by the United staff with their maximum force ejection policy. This business acumen is topped only by the Vietnamese who have come up with a foolproof way of turning $50 into $30,000,000 in the minimum amount of time.
Lickolotopus charged Paddy Fag with overeducating her. Not only did he show her how to lay correctly he also demonstrated admirably the sort of treatment that she should come to expect on the Hash. He insisted she paid for numerous repairs to his motorbike and then handed her off to a stranger in order to ensure a speedier return to the drinking hole known as Phattys. Upon finally arriving at this establishment she observed he was half way through his beer and there was no cool nectar awaiting her. Paddy Fag invited her father to join them and pointed out that Brad had provided a sound foundation for her expectations of male behavior as exemplified by his videotaping of her taking her top of.
Finally there was some monkey business to deal with. The auspicious totem of the hash is back with us after suffering serious neglect during the previous administration. However it appears that it is now being subjected to repeated abuse. Whilst the venerable General Erection was genuflecting before the monkey on creaking knees he observed the deposition of a smelly, sweaty hat on its head. We could be responsible for the heinous desecration, none other than our ‘Hasher of the Year’ Paddy Fag. At least he wasn’t spanking the monkey!
That’s all for this week, watch this space for more Hash antics next week
Sexy Eyes signing off
Hares: Broken Seal, Katoyboy, Appendadicktomy and Room Service
This Sunday's' Run will truly be as messed up as last weeks with Broken Seal at it again, but this time returning to Binh Duong with the likes of Katoyboy, Appendadicktomy and Room Service there to assist. There will be a Beer Stop and a messed up 7km run with the potential to get a little wet along the way. Will it be hot? What do you think? On On has been organised and will be at Winking Seal.
The bus will leave from the Caravelle at 2 pm sharp, so better be there 10-15 minutes early. There will be no pick up in District 2.
News from the Hash World
The next Harriettes run will be on the on the 5th of May in District 1 and the rumour is they will be going dutch.
The Monday Hash runs every Monday - surprisingly enough! The start point is always posted on Facebook so please get into the habit of checking it out if you want to run with them.
The Mekong Inter Hash will soon be hosted in Vietnam. Nha Trang Hash have expressed a desire to hold the event and we have offered to help them. Their “shitty trails” could be enhanced by hares from the Saigon Hash, volunteers would be welcome. We have also offered our expertise in the provision of T-shirts and goodie bags, creative ideas will be considered. Our very own General Erection has kindly volunteered to coordinate the registration process.
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