|Today 17 December 2017|
A clava currit cum a forsit bibens
Good day my fellow hashers,
The “Cloggies Run” saw us over in familiar territory in Dong Nai and what a run it was! The hares offered us, panoramic views, encompassing latex plantations, coffee groves, pepper pinnacles, cashew orchards, tapioca fields and dry river beds, not to mention giant millipedes, spiders as big as my hand and bird song that I’d never heard before, no I was not lost just taking the opportunity to hang back to coax a bird species out of the undergrowth and practice my bird song imitations without making myself a complete idiot in front of fellow hashers with my pathetic howlings and whistling.
Thanks Shit House,Turn Off, Dicklace and Runny Yolk for your efforts.
May we take this opportunity to wish “Fucking Everywhere” and Alanna speedy recoveries.
Next week we celebrate our 1400 run which to my calculations mean we started in 1990, let's see people wear something from that era, don’t miss it. (My wardrobe still contains a sheepskin coat I bought in 1977.)
Please take time to follow San Miguel Beer International on Facebook, they provide us with free beer:
Read more about last Sundays run in What happened during the last Hash
I’m still looking for someone to help keep a note on the amount of beer we consume on the hash, i.e. how many full empty crates of beer go back under the bus as we depart the circle, how many full crates of empties are on the bus when we alight at the end.
I Choked Linda Lovelace (no apologies for any mistakes or omissions)
Run 1399 The Cloggies Day Run
Date: 30/04/2017 Location: Dong Nai.
Ball Breaker Hares: Turn Off and Dick Lace
Running Hare: Shit House.
Walking Hare: Runny Yolk.
Today, the wonderful Dutch crowd treated the HASHERS to yet another run along their favourite shores of Dong Nai, with the usual Pick Up in District 2 for those POSH Hashers living En Route. Everyone was treat to a bit of everything, from beautiful shade and sunshine to flat land and hills with tapioca. What more could you want? Oh and not to forget, thank you to Fucking Everywhere, who actually reccied the site along with yesterday's HARES, as he was also going to be a HARE for the BALL BREAKER, however he was unable to join us on this occasion, but still deserves recognition for his efforts.
Sexy Eyes gave the short run report, saying it was well and beautifully planned with lots of nice scenery and lots to see, despite being bitten by an ant and pricked by a tree. She gave it a score of -5. Paddy Fag went on to give the BALL BREAKER report, saying it was 10 km long, but really 11.5 km with hills, valleys and beautiful views. Those who did the BALL BREAKER were invited to the friendly hosted beer stop with a photo shoot with beautiful girls, free of charge, with a score of -10. Stray Pussy gave the walk report, saying it had beautiful views, not losing anyone but managed to keep a confused HARE on track after discovering the excess of paper was laid by a running HARE. Her score was -20. Overall Score = -12 to Sore Arse’s closest non numerical calculation.
Virgins, visitors and returnees:
Broken Seal Welcomed the virgins: Sayaka from Japan, Ashleigh from Hong Kong, Connor and Craig from the UK and taught them the rituals of the HASH. He also welcomed the visitors and returnees: Nga, Miss Mary Poppins, Kim, Dodgy Banger, Ginger Mistress Muff, Cameron, Kieu and Linh.
Jack Off was brought in to be the HASH Dobber and charged Twin Knockers for being a Front Running Bitch and she said “I come infrequently.” Jack Off went on to charge Broken Seal for running on the crops fields. Broken Seal was put on the ice for this.
Ball Cock charged Shit House for laying a short running trail, checking his GPS, letting HASHERS run 200m in the wrong direction then calling them ON BACK in the right direction. I Choked Linda Lovelace, our Grand Master, also witnessed paper in the wrong direction and put Shit House in his place – The ICE!
Paddy Fag brought in Jack Off, Sore Arse, Sake Sucker, Turn Off and Dick Lace into circle to congratulate them for doing the BALL BREAKER (Run 11.5KM). They surely did prove themselves to be HARDCORE.
White Boy Sotong Shut Up charged General Erection and Paddy Fag. Why? General Erection went on the short run and asked where Paddy Fag had gone, only to realize that he had gone on the BALL BREAKER run – Good Move Paddy Fag.
Runny Yolk charged Shit House for panicking that he had fucked up the run after she had placed arrows on the trail to ensure everyone went in the right direction.
Broken Seal charged the Americans, because one American guy went to a hospital in the Philippines to have an operation, complained the air conditioner wasn’t working, so two Indian men came in to handle the machines. What the American guy didn’t realize was the Indian men were doctors and not air conditioner fixers after pointing the doctors to the air conditioning unit.
Paddy Fag kept the Americans in the circle for having a leader as great as Donald Trump. Will the Americans ever get a break?
General Erection charged the Vietnamese to congratulate them on Independence Day.
Paddy Fag had the final charge for the Dutch to congratulate them for the Dutch King’s Birthday.
The On On was held at Lamm Café on Bui Vien.
Hares: Meatsicle and friends
After silently building their numbers while the Anglophones became drunk on their laurels, the Latinos are here to take over the hash! Roman gladiators and Spanish matadors will do battle with the Anglo scourge and banish it to where it belongs: the cold chills of the ice. To celebrate the upcoming Latino domination of the hash (on its 1400th run, too), we will have a Latino theme mixed with a Cinco de Mayo celebration and will be eating at a Mexican/Latino restaurant for the on after. During the hash, there may be a crossing of the not-so-grand Rio Grande and you may have an opportunity to show off your matador skills when face to face with a rare imported Spanish water buffalo. They don't have water buffalos in Spain, but somehow we have one of them here - one of the many miracles of San Miguel. All praise San Miguel! The trail will take us to a pristine area of Đồng Nai filled with natural beauty and plenty of shade. An area rarely touched by hashers' feet (only once in memory), the trail will wind us through quiet rippling lakes/cenotes, seemingly endless plantations, and abandoned Tuscan ruins. Come join us for the most festive May hash of 2017! And to celebrate the Saigon hash's 1400th run!
The bus will leave from the Caravelle at 2 pm sharp, so better be there 10-15 minutes early. There will be a pick up in D2.
News from the Hash World
The F3SH3 Harriettes are ready to roar!! Run no 40 on Friday 5th of May is going to be in D1. Stray Pussy and Jack Off will be the hares so expect a great walk and run. We start at Ya! Restaurant, good Japanese food for good prices! Registration will start at 6.30, we will be off on the trail by 7 pm. The cost is 50.000vn. Please bring along any friends who would like explore the hems and lanes of D1.
The Monday Hash runs every Monday - surprisingly enough! The start point is always posted on Facebook so please get into the habit of checking it out if you want to run with them.
The Mekong Inter Hash will soon be hosted in Vietnam. Nha Trang Hash have expressed a desire to hold the event and we have offered to help them. The trails could be a collaborative effort between Nha Trang and Saigon Hares, volunteers would be welcome. We have also offered our expertise in the provision of T-shirts and goodie bags, creative ideas will be considered. Our very own General Erection has kindly volunteered to coordinate the registration process.
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